No I'm not. Thank you Aqua for that one-hit-wonder to show how much I am not a Barbie girl, never was and never will be. Recently, I've been thinking about how much of a tom-boy I've always been. It amazes me really to think back through my whole life and see that today I'm actually the most girly I've ever been right now, crazy right?
I mean when I was younger me, my brother, my neighbor Ian, and another kid who lived a street behind us, Tim, would all hang out. We would play video games, watch action movies, and even set up our own war zones in Tim's basement. Then came high school, when I started to date, not that it mattered much to acting more like a girl though. I hung out with my boyfriend Zach and all of his close guy friends- Ryan, Tim, Kenny, Micky. We would watch Ninja Warrior, play bags outside, play WOW (or World of Warcraft for those who don't know), pretend we were elves in Dungeons and Dragons, use Zach's pool table. Yeah, and I was (and still am) pretty damn good at those things, I got a lot of street cred with the boys in high school. Now, in college, I joined a sorority and it changed me a little bit although I still say that I joined the sorority that didn't really like the typical girls. But, then of course I went back to having the boys around, spending all my time at fraternities-playing pool, drinking beer, watching LOTR.
Yes, I'm proud of that. But, I'm also proud to now be more of a hybrid of a girly-girl and tom-boy. I enjoy wearing dresses now (absolutely hated dresses when I was younger), I enjoy wearing make-up, and I have an obsession with shopping and buying TONS of clothing. I like that I am expanding my horizons while still holding on to who I truly am. Just thought I'd enlighten whoever cared to read this :)
Monday, March 7, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
The road of life is rocky and you may stumble too, So while you point your fingers someone else is judging you
I LOVE BOB MARLEY. This post is in honor of his upcoming birthday this Sunday Feb. 6th. My daddy texted me this morning (rare occasion for those who don't know my dad) and he told me WXRT, Chicago radio station, was playing Bob and his families music all day in honor of his birthday. 1. This made me very jealous that I wasn't at home to listen with my dad 2. I was mad that the damn Livestream for WXRT wasn't working either. So I made my own Bob Marley station today. It has been a marvelous adventure with one of my favorite artists. I must quote my favorite line from him as well:
Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect - and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.
Again, one of my all time favorite lines. Everything about Bob (yes I call him this because I like to pretend like I was on a first name basis with the man) has amazed me. I think I have my father to blame for that. He was the one who introduced me to so many great artists. I wouldn't be the same person without his efforts and I appreciate diverse music so much more. It makes me sad that some people are stuck in one type of music for the rest of their lives. But, thankfully I don't have to be that person :-)
Lately, I've been feeling kind of homesick, which doesn't happen often for me. I'm not sure what it is but I just really miss being home right now. I don't think our 2 snow days helped that case either. In college it's even harder to go back to classes after snow days, we shouldn't be allowed or something. Well anyways, it just makes me feel so thankful that I have the parents I do. They have been some of the most influential people in my life and for a lot of my friends. I know my dad may seem a little scary at first, but he really does have my best interest at heart. He's probably more mellow than he'd ever want to admit. My mom is amazing too, she's a clean freak and probably considered a control freak too but she's shown me what it means to work hard and I truly appreciate that. I guess this post is really for them, thank you for molding me into the strong person I am today. LOVE YOU!
Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect - and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.
Again, one of my all time favorite lines. Everything about Bob (yes I call him this because I like to pretend like I was on a first name basis with the man) has amazed me. I think I have my father to blame for that. He was the one who introduced me to so many great artists. I wouldn't be the same person without his efforts and I appreciate diverse music so much more. It makes me sad that some people are stuck in one type of music for the rest of their lives. But, thankfully I don't have to be that person :-)
Lately, I've been feeling kind of homesick, which doesn't happen often for me. I'm not sure what it is but I just really miss being home right now. I don't think our 2 snow days helped that case either. In college it's even harder to go back to classes after snow days, we shouldn't be allowed or something. Well anyways, it just makes me feel so thankful that I have the parents I do. They have been some of the most influential people in my life and for a lot of my friends. I know my dad may seem a little scary at first, but he really does have my best interest at heart. He's probably more mellow than he'd ever want to admit. My mom is amazing too, she's a clean freak and probably considered a control freak too but she's shown me what it means to work hard and I truly appreciate that. I guess this post is really for them, thank you for molding me into the strong person I am today. LOVE YOU!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Love Doesn't Come in a Minute, Sometimes it Doesn't Come at All.
Yep, this is going to be one of those blog posts. At least I'm not in that apathetic mood anymore, just kind of strange. I think it's because I am so dissapointed in the Chicago teams today. Blackhawks already lost and the Bears are about to lose, too.
Well anyways, so Paul McCartney and the Wings, I do very much enjoy them and pretty much any singer songwriter groups from the 60s/70s (just ask Hillary who sang them all with me on an infomercial for a half hour the other night). But, this song brings me to the reason why I decided to blog today. Why do people say "I love you" and why is it such a big deal to say it to some people over others? I guess it comes down to what your meaning of love is.
Everyone who's ever been in love says there is a difference between "loving someone" and being "in love with someone." I just don't know if I believe that anymore. I love a lot of people, and in special and different ways and I think that's pretty comparable to being "in love" with people in different ways. I also think this is why I don't believe in "the one" because I believe there are many different people who might be right for you at different times in your life.
Or maybe it comes down to the Buddhist idea that the English language limits how to describe feelings. I'm not really sure, but I think I am an "I love you slut" (thank you How I Met Your Mother for that reference). I'm not afraid to tell people that I love them and I want to tell everyone I care about that I do. I think it's dumb that there are rules to who it is appropriate to tell you love them. For Example, A Straight Guy and Straight girl should probably not tell each other they love each other because it could be taken the wrong way, yet two straight girls can say it to each other and it's completely acceptable.
BULLSHIT.
So as usual I'm pushing the social norms and I will be saying "I love you" to everyone who I feel should hear it, no matter what.
I. LOVE. YOU.
Well anyways, so Paul McCartney and the Wings, I do very much enjoy them and pretty much any singer songwriter groups from the 60s/70s (just ask Hillary who sang them all with me on an infomercial for a half hour the other night). But, this song brings me to the reason why I decided to blog today. Why do people say "I love you" and why is it such a big deal to say it to some people over others? I guess it comes down to what your meaning of love is.
Everyone who's ever been in love says there is a difference between "loving someone" and being "in love with someone." I just don't know if I believe that anymore. I love a lot of people, and in special and different ways and I think that's pretty comparable to being "in love" with people in different ways. I also think this is why I don't believe in "the one" because I believe there are many different people who might be right for you at different times in your life.
Or maybe it comes down to the Buddhist idea that the English language limits how to describe feelings. I'm not really sure, but I think I am an "I love you slut" (thank you How I Met Your Mother for that reference). I'm not afraid to tell people that I love them and I want to tell everyone I care about that I do. I think it's dumb that there are rules to who it is appropriate to tell you love them. For Example, A Straight Guy and Straight girl should probably not tell each other they love each other because it could be taken the wrong way, yet two straight girls can say it to each other and it's completely acceptable.
BULLSHIT.
So as usual I'm pushing the social norms and I will be saying "I love you" to everyone who I feel should hear it, no matter what.
I. LOVE. YOU.
Monday, January 17, 2011
It's Just One of Those Days
I love Pandora because it opens me up to more and more good music. Joy William's "One of those days" came on while I was working on my graphic design homework last night and I pretty much fell in love with it. We've all experienced what she's talking about. It's pretty annoying when that happens because anything that could go wrong, will. Well honestly, it's been one of those weekends really. Everything has just been building up and breaking down so much lately that I'm wondering when it will subside.
Truthfully, I feel a little guilty because really my problems are nothing compared to others problems, but you know what? They're still hurtful and upsetting to me and I deserve a little comfort and time too. Like I've said in previous posts though, it's hard for me to open up to people and trust them and this weekend just kind of proved it more. I do appreciate that there are other people that feel the same way as I do though, makes me feel a little less alone.
Basically, I'm going to open up about one of those things online (not that I only told 2 people in person though but you know whatever it's probably only those two people that are even reading these blogs anyway). So my brother has been in the Marines for a few years, and people are surprised when I tell them he hasn't been deployed yet. But, he's had some back problems since right after boot camp. He's now had 2 surgeries on his back (yes, the military fucked up and did the wrong part of his spine the first time. ridiculous). He's finally back on the road to recovery. Yesterday he got news that his unit will officially be deployed at the end of the year December/ January.
I'm very proud of my brother and the accomplishments he has made while in the Marines and I'm proud that he his so happy to serve his company by being deployed to Afghanistan. I can honestly say that I'm still scared shit-less of him going, though. He'll be in a part of the country that hasn't seen action in 3 years and the guys in his unit have been there on a tour before and said it wasn't that terrible. He'll only be there for 7 months and he'll actually be 9-10 months out from active duty when he gets back. Really, this is a pretty good situation for a Marine and he should be OK, everything should go fine. So, if you see me being more quiet than usual lately, or it looks like I'm having a not so great day maybe you'll understand a little bit more why.
Truthfully, I feel a little guilty because really my problems are nothing compared to others problems, but you know what? They're still hurtful and upsetting to me and I deserve a little comfort and time too. Like I've said in previous posts though, it's hard for me to open up to people and trust them and this weekend just kind of proved it more. I do appreciate that there are other people that feel the same way as I do though, makes me feel a little less alone.
Basically, I'm going to open up about one of those things online (not that I only told 2 people in person though but you know whatever it's probably only those two people that are even reading these blogs anyway). So my brother has been in the Marines for a few years, and people are surprised when I tell them he hasn't been deployed yet. But, he's had some back problems since right after boot camp. He's now had 2 surgeries on his back (yes, the military fucked up and did the wrong part of his spine the first time. ridiculous). He's finally back on the road to recovery. Yesterday he got news that his unit will officially be deployed at the end of the year December/ January.
I'm very proud of my brother and the accomplishments he has made while in the Marines and I'm proud that he his so happy to serve his company by being deployed to Afghanistan. I can honestly say that I'm still scared shit-less of him going, though. He'll be in a part of the country that hasn't seen action in 3 years and the guys in his unit have been there on a tour before and said it wasn't that terrible. He'll only be there for 7 months and he'll actually be 9-10 months out from active duty when he gets back. Really, this is a pretty good situation for a Marine and he should be OK, everything should go fine. So, if you see me being more quiet than usual lately, or it looks like I'm having a not so great day maybe you'll understand a little bit more why.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Oh the glory that the lord has made and the complications when I see his face
I've been feeling very apathetic lately. I'm not really sure why but every once in awhile I feel like this. I really try my hardest to never get in those moods because I know how they affect other people. But, whatever sometimes it just happens and there is nothing I can do about it. Those are the times I listen to sorrowful music, ie why I had such a Bright Eyes kick in high school. Sufjan Stevens is one of those artists for me for sure. I love Casimir Pulaski Day. Not only because it's a great song, but I actually love the real day too, Punchkees anyone? My dad had a tradition of getting them every year, such a good treat. It's a shame we don't get it off in college, but thus is life.
But, back to the song, it just makes you feel sad for the girl he's talking about but again he doesn't show enough emotion to really feel that terrible about it. I dunno, that's kind of how I feel right now. I've been taking a Graphic Design class which is heavily focused on Typography. We talk a lot about Helvetica. As those who most know me, I talk in my sleep a lot. Apparently I have been bitching about Helvetica in my sleep. I didn't know I had that much angst for it.
I've always had this feeling that the only person I can rely on is myself and again that's coming back to the surface again. It's sad, but I do have a hard time forgiving people for things and I guess that sometimes is reflected in how I react to people. I'm not good with trust, and once that's been broken it's hard for me to brush away from that. That's when I get apathetic. Especially if someone does that crappy thing multiple times to me, I can't get my thoughts away from that. I'm not sure why I am like this, and I've tried really hard to be good to everyone who has been good to me in my life but I think I need to start spending more time by myself and not relying on everyone else to make me happy. Since it's not really working anyways....
But, back to the song, it just makes you feel sad for the girl he's talking about but again he doesn't show enough emotion to really feel that terrible about it. I dunno, that's kind of how I feel right now. I've been taking a Graphic Design class which is heavily focused on Typography. We talk a lot about Helvetica. As those who most know me, I talk in my sleep a lot. Apparently I have been bitching about Helvetica in my sleep. I didn't know I had that much angst for it.
I've always had this feeling that the only person I can rely on is myself and again that's coming back to the surface again. It's sad, but I do have a hard time forgiving people for things and I guess that sometimes is reflected in how I react to people. I'm not good with trust, and once that's been broken it's hard for me to brush away from that. That's when I get apathetic. Especially if someone does that crappy thing multiple times to me, I can't get my thoughts away from that. I'm not sure why I am like this, and I've tried really hard to be good to everyone who has been good to me in my life but I think I need to start spending more time by myself and not relying on everyone else to make me happy. Since it's not really working anyways....
Monday, December 13, 2010
Seasons of Love
RENT. Yes, one of my all time favorite musicals. Well guess what? The senior class definitely butchered the shit out of that song. Yeah, I do like our version a lot, it definitely describes us but it was a terrible rendition. Plus, I'm pretty sure I got a solo in there which makes it even worse. Not a good idea for Amber to be put in charge of the music.
Anyways, I've really been trying since Festival of Trees to get in the Christmas mood, even changing my ringtone to a Christmas song (All I Want for Christmas is you by Mariah Carey, duh one of my favs). I was really excited to have the holidays at school plus I love spending time with my friends at school and giving them ridiculous presents that only my weird ass, creative mind could come up with (oh yeah definitely failed on the gifts this year sorry boys). But, that's OK because I know they love me anyways. I always look forward to coming home and sitting by the tree cuddled in a blanket, watching TV. I've done A LOT of that already. I've enjoyed it quite a bit actually, but I think that working in retail with all the Grinches of the holiday coming to celebrate by getting gifts that people will never use/wear is really hindering my happiness.
I've come to realize that I am really not that sociable of a person, I like to keep to my close friends, and just listen and watch the rest of the people around. Correct me if you think this is untrue. I guess most people can kind of see that I'm not the most opening of people, but it's because I have a lot of trust issues. I don't like to open up because I am afraid of being hurt. Not that other people aren't afraid of being hurt either, but I'm just quicker at closing myself off to people. I mean I'm pretty sure I know why, but it's kind of sad that people who barely know me have noticed that I do this. People who know a lot about me notice this too, it's just strange when you hear it from multiple people in a short time span.
As much as I say I don't care about how other people perceive me, I really do. I kind of think that's absolutely disgusting actually. I don't want to care; I guess that's why I come off as a loner because I don't want to give people the chance to judge me.
Who knows. Just some things I've noticed lately. I don't want to be closed off to people, but I've noticed myself doing just that through many time periods in my life. I don't want to do that to my college friends, and I'm almost afraid that what I've done to other people might actually happen to me with all of the people I've grown close to in the last couple of years. I'm going to try harder. I don't want to cut myself off anymore.
Anyways, I've really been trying since Festival of Trees to get in the Christmas mood, even changing my ringtone to a Christmas song (All I Want for Christmas is you by Mariah Carey, duh one of my favs). I was really excited to have the holidays at school plus I love spending time with my friends at school and giving them ridiculous presents that only my weird ass, creative mind could come up with (oh yeah definitely failed on the gifts this year sorry boys). But, that's OK because I know they love me anyways. I always look forward to coming home and sitting by the tree cuddled in a blanket, watching TV. I've done A LOT of that already. I've enjoyed it quite a bit actually, but I think that working in retail with all the Grinches of the holiday coming to celebrate by getting gifts that people will never use/wear is really hindering my happiness.
I've come to realize that I am really not that sociable of a person, I like to keep to my close friends, and just listen and watch the rest of the people around. Correct me if you think this is untrue. I guess most people can kind of see that I'm not the most opening of people, but it's because I have a lot of trust issues. I don't like to open up because I am afraid of being hurt. Not that other people aren't afraid of being hurt either, but I'm just quicker at closing myself off to people. I mean I'm pretty sure I know why, but it's kind of sad that people who barely know me have noticed that I do this. People who know a lot about me notice this too, it's just strange when you hear it from multiple people in a short time span.
As much as I say I don't care about how other people perceive me, I really do. I kind of think that's absolutely disgusting actually. I don't want to care; I guess that's why I come off as a loner because I don't want to give people the chance to judge me.
Who knows. Just some things I've noticed lately. I don't want to be closed off to people, but I've noticed myself doing just that through many time periods in my life. I don't want to do that to my college friends, and I'm almost afraid that what I've done to other people might actually happen to me with all of the people I've grown close to in the last couple of years. I'm going to try harder. I don't want to cut myself off anymore.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Into the Caverns of Tomorrow with just our Flashlights and our Love
At the Bottom of Everything could quite possibly be my favorite Bright Eyes song. Not many of you may know my obsession with the band Bright Eyes, but it runs long and hard (that's what she said). I do have to thank my ex-boyfriend Zach for introducing me to the band that has been one of the most impacting of my life. I mean, one of my tattoos is based off of lyrics from We are Nowhere and It's Now and I couldn't be happier about that life choice.
Anyways, back to the basics of that line. I just feel the need to really push forward lately, ready for what the next day brings me. It just reminds me to come back to what I should really be concentrating on. I shouldn't worry about the craziness, I should be ready to jump in to the next crazy thing. With all of my Love and Passion even if the future is dark and unknown.
Can I just say that I love the word passion? Strange I know, and I'm sure this blog is pretty much pointless, but I just felt it needed to be written. I'm jumping in head first in to the unknown and I'm excited about it! I feel like I'm finally getting to a point in my life where I can appreciate it and step back and watch things as they happen.
I'm ready for whatever is coming.
Bring it.
Anyways, back to the basics of that line. I just feel the need to really push forward lately, ready for what the next day brings me. It just reminds me to come back to what I should really be concentrating on. I shouldn't worry about the craziness, I should be ready to jump in to the next crazy thing. With all of my Love and Passion even if the future is dark and unknown.
Can I just say that I love the word passion? Strange I know, and I'm sure this blog is pretty much pointless, but I just felt it needed to be written. I'm jumping in head first in to the unknown and I'm excited about it! I feel like I'm finally getting to a point in my life where I can appreciate it and step back and watch things as they happen.
I'm ready for whatever is coming.
Bring it.
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