Yep, this is going to be one of those blog posts. At least I'm not in that apathetic mood anymore, just kind of strange. I think it's because I am so dissapointed in the Chicago teams today. Blackhawks already lost and the Bears are about to lose, too.
Well anyways, so Paul McCartney and the Wings, I do very much enjoy them and pretty much any singer songwriter groups from the 60s/70s (just ask Hillary who sang them all with me on an infomercial for a half hour the other night). But, this song brings me to the reason why I decided to blog today. Why do people say "I love you" and why is it such a big deal to say it to some people over others? I guess it comes down to what your meaning of love is.
Everyone who's ever been in love says there is a difference between "loving someone" and being "in love with someone." I just don't know if I believe that anymore. I love a lot of people, and in special and different ways and I think that's pretty comparable to being "in love" with people in different ways. I also think this is why I don't believe in "the one" because I believe there are many different people who might be right for you at different times in your life.
Or maybe it comes down to the Buddhist idea that the English language limits how to describe feelings. I'm not really sure, but I think I am an "I love you slut" (thank you How I Met Your Mother for that reference). I'm not afraid to tell people that I love them and I want to tell everyone I care about that I do. I think it's dumb that there are rules to who it is appropriate to tell you love them. For Example, A Straight Guy and Straight girl should probably not tell each other they love each other because it could be taken the wrong way, yet two straight girls can say it to each other and it's completely acceptable.
BULLSHIT.
So as usual I'm pushing the social norms and I will be saying "I love you" to everyone who I feel should hear it, no matter what.
I. LOVE. YOU.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
It's Just One of Those Days
I love Pandora because it opens me up to more and more good music. Joy William's "One of those days" came on while I was working on my graphic design homework last night and I pretty much fell in love with it. We've all experienced what she's talking about. It's pretty annoying when that happens because anything that could go wrong, will. Well honestly, it's been one of those weekends really. Everything has just been building up and breaking down so much lately that I'm wondering when it will subside.
Truthfully, I feel a little guilty because really my problems are nothing compared to others problems, but you know what? They're still hurtful and upsetting to me and I deserve a little comfort and time too. Like I've said in previous posts though, it's hard for me to open up to people and trust them and this weekend just kind of proved it more. I do appreciate that there are other people that feel the same way as I do though, makes me feel a little less alone.
Basically, I'm going to open up about one of those things online (not that I only told 2 people in person though but you know whatever it's probably only those two people that are even reading these blogs anyway). So my brother has been in the Marines for a few years, and people are surprised when I tell them he hasn't been deployed yet. But, he's had some back problems since right after boot camp. He's now had 2 surgeries on his back (yes, the military fucked up and did the wrong part of his spine the first time. ridiculous). He's finally back on the road to recovery. Yesterday he got news that his unit will officially be deployed at the end of the year December/ January.
I'm very proud of my brother and the accomplishments he has made while in the Marines and I'm proud that he his so happy to serve his company by being deployed to Afghanistan. I can honestly say that I'm still scared shit-less of him going, though. He'll be in a part of the country that hasn't seen action in 3 years and the guys in his unit have been there on a tour before and said it wasn't that terrible. He'll only be there for 7 months and he'll actually be 9-10 months out from active duty when he gets back. Really, this is a pretty good situation for a Marine and he should be OK, everything should go fine. So, if you see me being more quiet than usual lately, or it looks like I'm having a not so great day maybe you'll understand a little bit more why.
Truthfully, I feel a little guilty because really my problems are nothing compared to others problems, but you know what? They're still hurtful and upsetting to me and I deserve a little comfort and time too. Like I've said in previous posts though, it's hard for me to open up to people and trust them and this weekend just kind of proved it more. I do appreciate that there are other people that feel the same way as I do though, makes me feel a little less alone.
Basically, I'm going to open up about one of those things online (not that I only told 2 people in person though but you know whatever it's probably only those two people that are even reading these blogs anyway). So my brother has been in the Marines for a few years, and people are surprised when I tell them he hasn't been deployed yet. But, he's had some back problems since right after boot camp. He's now had 2 surgeries on his back (yes, the military fucked up and did the wrong part of his spine the first time. ridiculous). He's finally back on the road to recovery. Yesterday he got news that his unit will officially be deployed at the end of the year December/ January.
I'm very proud of my brother and the accomplishments he has made while in the Marines and I'm proud that he his so happy to serve his company by being deployed to Afghanistan. I can honestly say that I'm still scared shit-less of him going, though. He'll be in a part of the country that hasn't seen action in 3 years and the guys in his unit have been there on a tour before and said it wasn't that terrible. He'll only be there for 7 months and he'll actually be 9-10 months out from active duty when he gets back. Really, this is a pretty good situation for a Marine and he should be OK, everything should go fine. So, if you see me being more quiet than usual lately, or it looks like I'm having a not so great day maybe you'll understand a little bit more why.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Oh the glory that the lord has made and the complications when I see his face
I've been feeling very apathetic lately. I'm not really sure why but every once in awhile I feel like this. I really try my hardest to never get in those moods because I know how they affect other people. But, whatever sometimes it just happens and there is nothing I can do about it. Those are the times I listen to sorrowful music, ie why I had such a Bright Eyes kick in high school. Sufjan Stevens is one of those artists for me for sure. I love Casimir Pulaski Day. Not only because it's a great song, but I actually love the real day too, Punchkees anyone? My dad had a tradition of getting them every year, such a good treat. It's a shame we don't get it off in college, but thus is life.
But, back to the song, it just makes you feel sad for the girl he's talking about but again he doesn't show enough emotion to really feel that terrible about it. I dunno, that's kind of how I feel right now. I've been taking a Graphic Design class which is heavily focused on Typography. We talk a lot about Helvetica. As those who most know me, I talk in my sleep a lot. Apparently I have been bitching about Helvetica in my sleep. I didn't know I had that much angst for it.
I've always had this feeling that the only person I can rely on is myself and again that's coming back to the surface again. It's sad, but I do have a hard time forgiving people for things and I guess that sometimes is reflected in how I react to people. I'm not good with trust, and once that's been broken it's hard for me to brush away from that. That's when I get apathetic. Especially if someone does that crappy thing multiple times to me, I can't get my thoughts away from that. I'm not sure why I am like this, and I've tried really hard to be good to everyone who has been good to me in my life but I think I need to start spending more time by myself and not relying on everyone else to make me happy. Since it's not really working anyways....
But, back to the song, it just makes you feel sad for the girl he's talking about but again he doesn't show enough emotion to really feel that terrible about it. I dunno, that's kind of how I feel right now. I've been taking a Graphic Design class which is heavily focused on Typography. We talk a lot about Helvetica. As those who most know me, I talk in my sleep a lot. Apparently I have been bitching about Helvetica in my sleep. I didn't know I had that much angst for it.
I've always had this feeling that the only person I can rely on is myself and again that's coming back to the surface again. It's sad, but I do have a hard time forgiving people for things and I guess that sometimes is reflected in how I react to people. I'm not good with trust, and once that's been broken it's hard for me to brush away from that. That's when I get apathetic. Especially if someone does that crappy thing multiple times to me, I can't get my thoughts away from that. I'm not sure why I am like this, and I've tried really hard to be good to everyone who has been good to me in my life but I think I need to start spending more time by myself and not relying on everyone else to make me happy. Since it's not really working anyways....
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