Tonight the Headphones Will Deliver You the Words That I Can't Say

Yes, I was a fan of Fall Out Boy when "Take This to Your Grave" first came out, back when they were still playing shows at our local spot, Mojoe's (the original location on 95th Ave, when smoking was still allowed in public places, yes that long ago). I can't help loving the songs off that album, plus it was close to home since they're from Chicago. And believe me when I say it, Chicago is SO two years ago, just kidding. haha OK, I'm done being a dork and loving on my old Fall Out Boy days. Seriously though, they suck now, unbelievably. I've never been so sad at how a band hit it big (probably the hipster coming out in me, duh). I do miss my days of hanging out at local coffee shops and listening to the next big hits of the are and of course seeing them before they ever got big, yeah I'm proud of that!

This is now the "Emo" coming out in me, you know that annoying kid in high school who always used song lyrics to describe their life? Yeah, that was me, well actually still is me since I'm writing a blog on song lyrics. I find that other people's words just make so much more sense than anything that I could ever say. I bite my tongue because I know I am not the best with words (ask my friends, I am always forgetting the words I want to say). I find myself even more worried about how my words come across. I used to be the quiet one in the back of the room who just listened to everyone. I let people push me around. Since I've come to college, I've pushed myself to be the exact opposite, speaking my mind and not giving a shit to what other people think. This hasn't been the best method to go about things and I'm started to change how I approach people. I do feel like it's made a difference in how people first perceive me. I guess the most important thing I'm trying to say here is: I'm a work in progress.

I'm sorry if I haven't always done things the right way, or they way you want me to. But, guess what? That's a part of human nature. If you can't forgive or can't move on, I don't really want you in my life than either. I've given a lot, and haven't received a lot in return. I'm realizing, once again, that I can't trust that other people will show me the same respect that I try to show them. That always bites to find out. At least I've found a few that will, and I want to thank you all for that. If it weren't for you people, I wouldn't know how to live life. I would have no passions. I would have no goals. Life would be meaningless, just like those damn hipsters think (lol I had to say it).

Bottom Line, I'm not perfect. I make mistakes.

How Can I Make It Through All the Things You Do?

I absolutely love the song "Addicted" by Saving Abel. Yeah, it might not be super PC, but I can't help loving that song. It just really describes to me what it's like to be completely infatuated with someone, but at the same time not really knowing them. I think I was very much like that for a long time with the people I was attracted to. But, lately it seems that the only people I actually want to start a relationship with are the ones I've been friends with for a long time. Even then, I still feel like I don't know them well enough!

I guess some people find it weird, or wrong that I always fall for the people I am closest with. And yes, it's been kind of dangerous because sometimes it does ruin friendships (which sucks terribly, let me tell you). But, I can't help being attracted to the people I spend most of my time with, I mean you already know you like their personalities, right?

Maybe not, it seems sometimes you think someone is one way and they turn out another. I don't really know what to expect anymore, when I was younger I used to think I would never be with someone I knew because some stranger would come in to my life and sweep me off my feet. But, honestly it's been my friends who've surprised me and have swept me off my feet. Well, for right now I'm OK with that. :)

It May Be Years Until the Day My Dreams Will Match Up With My Pay

Feist is pretty much my favorite to listen to when it gets close to the Christmas season. I can't really explain it but she just gives me that feeling. So now that it's after Halloween it's more appropriate to listen to Christmas-like music. This one is from her album Let it Die, a song called "Mushaboom" the first song I ever heard by her because I heard Conor Oberst's cover of it.

Well now that I'm freaking out about graduation and having a career, I find this song to be very fitting. I have a lot of big dreams for my life, and I feel like lately I've been really living out of my means. It didn't really hit me until last year, going in to Junior year of college that I realized HOW MUCH debt I was already in. Yes, it was the better decision to go to an extremely expensive Liberal Arts school instead of a state school and it is still a better option. But, part of me wishes that I would have done community college and gotten an associate's degree until I could pay for my education.

I know it will be worth it when I finally land a position because of the connections I have made here, but I'm still nervous as hell that it won't be for a very long time. I know I've been able to do A LOT of things through this school and I am so thankful for those things. I should just appreciate what I've been dealt with and take the debt as it comes. Maybe one day I will actually be able to travel to New Zealand with my best friend to see a girl that after two weeks, I felt like I knew better than most people in my life. It may not be a year after I graduate from undergrad but maybe sometime in the future. Here's to hoping that at least this dream will come true.

There's Always Something More You Wish He'd Say

I told you I wasn't going to stop with the 90's music, and today brings me to Vertical Horizon. They've actually been a recent rediscovery for me and I'm so glad I had that because they've brought a lot of happiness to me life :-).

Anyways so to the point at hand. I'm sure many girls have had the same feelings as I have regarding this, always waiting for more from the guy your madly crushing over at the moment. There is always that point when there's a break in the conversation and you're not sure what else to say and he's not adding to the conversation. Time to cut it out and stop wasting your time? I'm really not sure the guy's point of view on this. Sometimes I feel like I can read guys really well (I've always had a lot of close guy friends) but there are always these points when I'm just clueless.

I truly wonder if any guys have every felt the same way, wondering if they are wasting their time on these girls who just aren't carrying a conversation, or are not saying the things you want them to say (umm duh will you date me? will you be mine? haha or the guys point of view... will you make out with me??). I don't know why I keep wasting my time on things like this, but I guess it's the excitement of when you finally get an answer you like. So for now, I'll just sit back and try to wait for the excitement to finally return to my life again. Doubt it will happen any time soon.

But, here's to wishful thinking (or what I like to refer to as being hopeless romantic) that one day it will be "just like the movies." (and hell yes that was another Katy Perry reference.

You're Original, Cannot Be Replaced If You Only Knew What the Future Holds

Do you ever just have that one song that is your biggest life anthem? Right now for me that's Katy Perry's song "Firework." Yes, I know it's on the top 100 charts right now, but guess what? I've been obsessed with her album "Teenage Dream" since the first day it came out back in August (August 24th to be exact). Yes I've known the lyrics to all the songs since then, you should probably ask my roommate since she got super sick of me playing the cd over and over again.

Anyways, that's beside the point because the song just is so uplifting to me and I can't get enough of it! It just inspires me, kind of like back in the day with Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful." I just want to get up and dance whenever I hear the "Firework", I feel like I have so much power. I always felt in high school that things would get better, and guess what? I've done 10 TIMES more than I ever expected I would do in college! It just makes me feel good about the future. It's like those days when I have to go give a speech to incoming students about entertainment on campus. I come out of those meetings feeling so accomplished feeling like I'm in the right place and doing the right things.

Ever have one of those days? those moments? I hope you have them LOTS because those are the moments that keep me going and keep my passion up. If you haven't felt those things in a long time, I hope you think back to the days you did and try to make those same moments for your life now. Every one of us has made an impact on other people's lives and have been of importance. It's time we start seeing that more often :-)

Tell me all Your Thoughts on God? 'Cause I Would Really Like to Meet Her.

I love this Pandora Station because it's given me a lot of inspiration lately. Today Dishwalla's "Counting Blue Cars" came on and I haven't heard this song in an unbelievably long time. The lyrics really struck a chord with me today. Recently I had a conversation with a friend about religion (a subject I generally deliberately avoid because I don't like arguing over it) and I felt the need to put a few of my feelings on here because of it.

Well I guess I can kind of start with why I never want to talk to people about religion, my sophomore year of high school I went on a band trip (I was on Colorguard) and we headed out to New York City. Well during that 12+ hour drive we ended up talking about religion. Now, having many different ideas of religion on one small bus where people are cooped up for hours is  not a good place to start a discussion on religion. Basically long story short, one of my friends basically told 2 of my best friends that they were going to hell because of their lifestyle or religious views (ie this doesn't make for a comfortable transportation situation or rest of the trip).

Basically this is why I never bring it up to anyone, but I guess I'm going to lay out my general feelings here. I don't care if you agree, I don't care if it makes sense either because it's for me. MY BELIEF. I don't believe in organized religion, it's all seemed to be too hypocritical and I can't follow it. I believe in the power of nature, an almost Eywa like connection to the Earth. I believe in some form of a god, but not the God. I believe in some kind of Heaven where one day I will be reunited with those that I love. I believe in some form of reincarnation, but not to the full extent of Buddhism.

No it does not all fit together, no I do not have an all encompassing map to show you exactly what I believe. No you do not need to believe what I believe. I accept you for you, as long as you accept me for me.